


So We've Totally Been Dating, I Swear

by SnowWhiteKnight



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But there's a little plot, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, If You Squint - Freeform, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, slight OOC behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 11:30:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16283804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowWhiteKnight/pseuds/SnowWhiteKnight
Summary: Alternate Title: Sandor gets roped into being a pretend boyfriend





	So We've Totally Been Dating, I Swear

He couldn't stop watching her dance. The way she moved her hips were simply hypnotic and Sandor hoped she didn't tire any time soon. He felt content as the girl swayed in time to the music, the bride and the other bridesmaids dancing with her.  _ Fuck, she can move. _ He didn't even try to stop from picturing her moving like that next to him, under him, on top of him… never mind that she was probably fifteen years younger than him.

Then the Royal Bitch came in. Not Cersei, though she certainly qualified. No, it was her son, Joffrey. He grabbed the girl and yanked her to the edge of the dance floor. The music was too loud to know exactly what he was saying, but Sandor could tell when he called the girl "bitch", "slut", and other words that couldn't possibly describe her. 

Joffrey raised his hand to slap her, but Sandor was at her side in that moment, catching Joff's weak wrist in his own meaty hand.  _ Fuck. If I really wanted to, I could just snap him in half, couldn't I? _ The thought had appeal. 

"Who do you think you are!?" the boy shrieked. Joffrey knew exactly who he was, and why he was at the wedding. He glared down at the man-child.  


"H-he's my boyfriend!" the girl sputtered. The look on the Royal Bitch's face was worth Sandor's own surprise. "N-now leave me-- us alone!" 

She grabbed Sandor's other hand and pulled him away from Joffrey. She kept pulling until they had exited the ballroom and were in the silence of the little used utility hallway. 

"Sorry…" she said, letting go of his hand. "I shouldn't have done that. Thank you for your help, um…" 

"Sandor. Sandor Clegane." He offered her his hand again, this time as a greeting. "Friend of the groom." 

"Sansa Stark," she said, taking his hand and smiling shyly at him. He was familiar with the name. The Starks were well known across the kingdoms, and Jaime had been talking about her to Sandor for several months now, because he was convinced that they would be a great couple. Sandor just rolled his eyes each time. No way a girl that was supposedly that beautiful would talk to him, let alone date him. But here they were, and fuck if she wasn't a little bit interested in him. "Friend of the bride, obviously." She giggled and gestures to her dress. Sandor grinned. "Brie told me about you. Meant to introduce us earlier. Sorry again. About it all."

"For the record, I don't mind. What you did. What you said. A girl as beautiful as you wouldn't normally give me the time of day. So, kinda a cheap thrill to be linked to you, even if it's only for the night." He felt stupid for saying it, but he also couldn't seem to control his mouth around her. He had never felt so damn talkative in his life. 

"Oh… well, I guess we are linked, aren't we?" she asked, playing with a lock of her hair. "So, how long have we been dating? In case anyone asks…" 

"When'd you break up with that asshole?"

She giggled again. "Six months ago."

"Then let's say six months. I was your rebound and gave you such fantastic sex, you decided to keep me on a leash, despite my ugly mug."

She lowered her eyes bashfully. "I wouldn't say you're ugly…" 

He scoffed. "Guess not. Being nobility, you probably have a nicer way of saying it. What pretty words  _ would _ you use?" he asked. 

She was staring intently at his shoes. "Rugged… handsome." 

He raised his good eyebrow. "Really now?"

She nodded, still not looking up at him. "I… I saw you watching me. I was too shy to talk to you, so I hoped I pleased you with my dancing." 

"You were dancing for me?" He wanted to kiss her. Well, he wanted to do more than kiss her, but she seemed like a good girl who would make him wait for a good fuck.  _ Worth it. She would definitely be worth the wait. And fuck, I would make it worth her wait as well. _

She nodded again. "Um, so, if we've been dating for six months… and have been f-fu- _ fucking _ for that long… that means we've k-k-kissed before."

"Would make sense."

"So, um, we should probably… practice. Kisses, I mean. In case it comes up. So we're not awkward about it. There's still three hours left in the reception, so… it might?" 

Sandor nodded dumbly. Sansa had to step closer to him and make the first move. It was hellishly awkward. But Sandor found his brain again and did better the second time. And the third. And the fourth. By the fifth kiss, however, he was leaning in a way to hide his erect dick. Sansa was clinging to him, mewling pleasantly and completely unaware of the effect she was having on him. He was wishing they  _ had _ been dating for real, because then it would be completely understandable (probably) for him to push her up against the wall and fuck her senseless. 

"What's your pet name for me?" she asked breathlessly. "I think I call you 'stud', because you are very studly." 

"Clever," he said dryly, but he liked it. "I don't know what pet name to call you."

"How about 'Princess'. Because you thought I was too high and mighty at first?"

She was the furthest thing from "high and mighty" but she had a point. He probably would do something like that. "My queen, I think," he said. "Though I probably  _ did _ start it off as an insult. But now I mean it. And I joke around for you to 'Command me'. How's that sound?"

"What the Queen commands, the Hand makes happen.Or something like that." She giggled and pressed up against him. "Oh! Oh my… are you… because of our kissing?" 

_ Shit. She found it. _ He closed his eyes with a grimace. "Sorry. You're really fucking beautiful. I was already a little hard from watching you dance. But yeah… the kissing did the rest." He opened his eyes and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Don't worry about that though. A few minutes of unsexy thoughts and I'll be able to take you back inside the ballroom. Or I could find a quiet corner and jack off. Wanna help?" He had been joking but Sansa didn't seem to realize that. 

"I would love to help you. You've been so gracious to me, and I would really feel bad if there was something I could do but  _ didn't _ do it." She was looking down again, suddenly shy. "Um… I mean, our first pretend meeting was probably a drunken one night stand? At least this one… we'll definitely remember, right? Do you… do you have any c-c-condoms?"

Sandor didn't answer right away. His brain had exploded. 

"Sandor?"

"Right! Condoms!" he exclaimed, a little  _ too _ loudly. He fumbled with his jacket. Jaime has entrusted him with the "royal condom stash". A terrible joke on Jaime's part. If anyone needed an emergency condom, they were supposed to see Sandor about it. The thing was, nobody wanted to get near him. "Got… quite a bit actually. Here we go. One condom." 

He wasn't sure what she meant to do. Did she want to go all the way? Was she just practicing safe oral sex? He dropped the small foil package twice. She was blushing like crazy and picked it up the second time. Her hands were shaking but she was at least able to actually open the packet and remove the condom. Sandor undid his slacks  and pushed them and his boxers down to his ankles. For half a second, as she stared wide eyed as his fully erect cock, he wondered if this was all a horrible prank. It wouldn't have been the first time. But then she was placing the condom on him, biting her lip in concentration. The condom struggled, but once it was on, she seemed pleased with herself. 

"Um, how should I… position myself?" she asked, gathering up her skirt and removing her panties. 

Sandor thought for a moment and then lifted her easily to lean her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist, helping to keep herself steady as he used one hand to find her clit. She mewled as he grazed it, and gasped as he dipped a finger into her wet cunt. She came, a small shudder of an orgasm. "Fuck me, you're enjoying it…" 

She laughed. "Should I not be?"

"No, I mean.. yes… fuck… What do I mean…" 

She leaned forward and kissed him. Her hands were loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. She seemed to like his huge muscly body. "Make love to me, stud. I feel like I'm aching for you." 

She didn't have to ask twice. He aligned his cock and slammed into her. "Fuck, you feel really fucking good, baby girl'," he growled, pulling out of her slowly. Her low neckline barely covered her perfectly sized tits. He lowered his head to nose the fabric to the side and clamped his mouth down on an erect little nipple. She whimpered. "What's that? You want more?" She nodded her head violently. "What my Queen commands…" 

He slammed into her again, then withdrew slowly.  _ Slam,  _ withdraw.  _ Slam, _ withdraw. He fought the urge to just pound into her like an animal. Paying attention to one beautiful breast and then the other helped. She quivered and said his name over and over, along with, "oh gods," and "yes, please." He really liked hearing her politely beg for him to fuck her. And he was going to fuck her so good. She was going to have trouble walking, that's how good he was going to fuck her. He had one chance to win her over, and if his best physical attribute was his cock, then he was going to damn well use it. 

At least that was the plan, until he felt her cum on his cock. He had to concentrate on not cumming along with her. She was kissing him and babbling jibberish, something about how she never regretted that rebound. He lost it when she bit his lip. She cried out, clinging to him desperately, as he fucked her practically into the wall, her heels digging into his ass and her nails into his back. He felt her cum again and he couldn't stop himself this time. He came hard and nearly fell over, but managed to catch himself. 

"Wow… oh, wow…" she muttered, limp in his arms. He slid down to his knees, keeping her safe in his arms. "And we've been doing that for the past six months?"

"Every night. Twice a night when you're on the rag. I heard women get extra horny during their menstrual cycle. And it helps with cramps or something." 

"Oh, you don't have to… I mean, I would never ask--"

He kissed her to shut her up. "It's just blood. As long as I'm not the cause, I'm not gonna stop fucking you. Uh, we can do it in the shower. If you're worried about cleaning up, I mean." He leaned down to flick her still exposed nipple with his tongue. She moaned softly as he played with it gently. "Unless you don't want that. I can fuck my hand during that time if you're not comfortable with it. I'm just saying, I wouldn't turn you away." 

She was grinding on him. His limp cock was still inside her, slowly coming back to life. "I do get h-horny… during that time…" she admitted. "It's very uncomfortable to not have… relief."

"Fuck, baby girl, I'll give you as much fucking  _ relief _ as you want," he swore. Their current position was not ideal for him to fuck her, but it  _ was _ a good one if  _ she _ rode him, which she was doing admirably well. "I think my Queen wants more of her stud's cock." 

Sansa was leaning back against, her hips rolling as she rode him. Her eyes were half closed in bliss. "Yes, please," she mewled. "I really like it. After six months of this, I think I'm quite addicted to you." 

Sandor grinned. "Do it, baby girl. Make yourself cum on your stud's thick cock." He held her waist to give her better balance, and enjoyed the sight of her jiggling tits as she moved. "Fuck, you have beautiful tits, baby girl."

"You… you like them?" she asked, her breath coming out in pants. "You don't think… they're too small?" 

"Fuck no. They're just the right size. If I could put them in a museum, I would. They're works of art. But what's really a masterpiece, is you. The sight of you riding my dick. I want everyone to see this." She whimpered. "Oh? You like that." She blushed and shook her head, but her cunt told a different story. "So, if I picked you up, took you out to the ballroom while riding my dick, you wouldn't like that then, would you?" 

She shook her head again, but he felt her tighten and tremble. 

"And if I placed you on that asshole's table, and made you cum, your beautiful tits flashing everyone, your dress hiked up to your waist, your ass pink from grabbing it, maybe spanking it, and my cock buried deep inside you, you wouldn't like that one tiny bit?" 

She whined and pulled him into a kiss as she fucked herself hard on his cock. He felt himself getting close again. "G-good girls don't get s-spanked," she said. 

"They do if they like it as a reward." He gave her a quick one, just enough to sting her perfect ass. She jumped, and her cunt clenched around him. "Good girl." 

"Yes! Yes! I'm a good girl! A good girl for you!" she promised. 

"And if I said… you were a  _ good _ girl for riding me so well… and that you should cum  _ right now." _ He slapped her ass again, just hard enough. She went rigid as she came. He was pretty sure she tore out some of the hair at the nape of his neck, but he was coming too. She fell back against the wall. 

"Oh gods be good…" she muttered. "That was… wow." 

"Damn straight. Told you. I wowed you with fantastic sex. Became your personal sex toy and we lived happily ever after." He kissed her, but this time it was gentle and soft. Almost loving. "Gotta make sure you're happy." 

"Oh… but I would want you to be happy too…" she whispered. 

"I would be, my Queen," he said. "We should probably clean up and get back in there. Now that we have our story straight." 

"Oh… oh! Yes! Of course!" 

They disentangled from each other carefully. Sansa was a bit wobbly on her feet, Sandor noticed with pride, but stood up with a hand on the wall for support. Unfortunately, they discovered the condom had broken. 

"Huh… guess they were serious about that one time use part," Sandor said. "Uh, we can get you a morning after pill?" 

Sansa giggled. "I'm already on birth control. But thank you." 

Once their clothing was set straight and the condom disposed of in a bucket Sandor found, they went back into the reception. He enjoyed himself much more than earlier, dancing with Sansa, acting the dutiful boyfriend, and making sure Joffrey cowered whenever he even  _ glanced _ at Sansa. 

Jaime was thrilled. "I thought you two would hit it off!! Who knew you had been secretly dating all this time? See, you should have listened to me earlier." 

"Jaime, hush," Brienne, his new wife said. "But really, you two are such a good couple, Sandor. You can really see how much you love each other. I can't believe you tried to hide this from us!" 

"He was nervous since he feels I'm so out of his league," Sansa said. She was sitting on his lap, her arms around his neck, as they talked with the happy newlyweds. "Which is utter nonsense and I  _ told _ him he was being silly, but I agreed to not say anything while we were here. But then Joff was being Joff, and well… cat's out of the bag!" She shrugged and leaned her head onto Sandor's shoulder. 

"Well, all's well that ends well, amirite?" Jaime said, lifting his glass as a toast. "To new beginnings!"

"And to keeping promises of daily happiness," Sansa whispered in Sandor's ear. "Want to go see a movie tomorrow? I'll sit on your lap. Wearing a dress with no panties." 

"It's a date," he said. 


End file.
